Finding The Right Guide: Why “Therapist Shopping” is Ok
Making the decision to start therapy takes an incredible amount of grit. You do the research, make the call, and finally show up for the first session. But what happens when, despite the clinician having excellent credentials, something just feels…off? You don’t feel that “click.”
Too often, clients internalize this feeling. They assume they are the problem, or they feel guilty about wanting to find someone else or worry about wasting the therapist's time. So, they stay in a therapeutic relationship that isn’t truly serving them.
We need to rewrite this narrative.
Let’s examine this through a different lens. If you were preparing to explore the deep woods, a place where the terrain is unpredictable and the shadows are heavy, you wouldn’t just hire the first guide you met without checking if you felt secure with them. You would want to know:
Do they know this specific trail?
Do they respect my pace?
Do I feel safe walking beside them?
In the counselling profession, we call this the “therapeutic alliance.” Decades of clinical research has shown that the relationship you have with your therapist is one of the most critical predictors of therapeutic success. If your nervous system is on high alert because you don’t feel entirely comfortable with the person sitting across from you or you feel that they aren’t meeting you where you are, then the deep work of healing may not happen. Feeling safe and seen is important to the process.
Today’s Field Note: Your safety is more important than our feelings.
If you meet with a therapist and it doesn’t feel like the right fit, it is not a failure, it is a boundary. A good, ethical clinician will never be offended if you choose to work with someone else. In fact, a professional Guide wants you to find the exact right fit, even if it isn’t with them.
It is ok to “therapist shop.”
It is ok to ask questions.
It is ok to interview your potential therapists until your nervous system exhales and says, “Yes, I feel safe here.”
The journey through the woods is yours. You deserve to choose who walks it with you.
(Clinical Disclaimer: The contents of "The Clearing" blog are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute formal medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call or text 9-8-8, dial 911, or proceed to your nearest emergency department.)